Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!
I know it's one day after Christmas.. But in Holland we have two Chritmas Days so Screw You!

Merry Merry Christmas =D
I hope everybody had (or is having) fun!

France was great.. And although I DIDN'T write everything down,
I DO remember everything very clearly!

So a detailed story about my adventures in France will be up soon =]

Merry Christmas!

FRANCE!!

Whoop!
Very early update!
About to go to france.. Will leave in 30 minutes xO
Plain takes off at 7.. (Way to early!)

I WILL try (Please note; Try)
I will try to keep up a journal of what happens so when I get back I have loads to tell..
Now ain't that sweet?

So now I'm off to do the last stuff!
BYE!

CHRISTMAS TREEE!

Christmas Tree done! =D
Probably one of the best I've ever done..
Usually it looks more rubbish =D
*Happiness*

National Anthem

If I ever get my own Country I'm making this the National Anthem

Christmas Cards and Airplanes

Christmas is getting nearer and nearer =D
Yay!

So.. Yet another week has passed, and yet, the question "Where the hell is this all going?" keeps comming back more frequently..
Which isn't new to me cause I think I already think this around this time of the year.. every year of my life - Probably started as soon as I could remember things, though -
I mostly just ignore the question, cause If I won't I'll get really really depressed..

Cause you see, I do think my life isn't going anywere..
I'm just one of those insegnificant little persons who is probably going to work at a supermarket for the rest of her life, though she's high educated..
Yeah, that's gonna be me..
And I'm gonna get pregnant at 25, and get divorced ar 26, and be single untill the day that I die, and I'll be a sad old lady with grumpy kids who won't come to see me, grandchildren who can't stand the sight of me, and an old-people home with disgusting food and dusty rotted chairs..
Yep, that's my future!
*sigh*
The motivation..

Now you'll probably be wondering WHY I think like this..
The answer to that is, I never reach my goals, I NEVER reach my goals..
Might be because my goals are to high or to hard or whatever..
I never reach them..
I never win anything, I never get good friends, I never get into any courses, I didn't make it through the acting-school-auditions, I didn't make it to the school band, I always get picked last when worked in groups, I'm always the outsider, I'm never allowed to come along, nobody's interested in me, everybody thinks I'm just not smart enough, etc etc..
And it pisses me off! It really does!
And I try! I really do try my best! I give a full 500% but it never works! It never works..
I'm just not good enough..

I've never even had a boyfriend..
"Never?"
No..
"Kissed?"
Never been kissed..
"Are you serious?"
You think it's funny to joke about something like this?

Cause really, it's not.. Everybody thinks I must have had loads of boyfriends, I could get any boy I want..
HA! Yeah right! You must be talking to the person behind me, right?
Cause NO! It's all true.. I've never ever had a boyfriend..
And they say you can't miss what you've never had..
Well I think that's damn-right bullshit!
Cause you CAN miss what you've never had!
It's what makes your head messed-up!

I'm not all freaky because I've never had a boyfriend, yet..
Please, don't think that.
I'm perfectly sane ( Though I might not always act like it 0=] )
Still, it think it would be nice though..

Enough rambling about how incompetent I am..

Next stop is!
*makes bus sound*
Christmas cards!! =D
Yeah! Christmas Cards!
I love Christmas Cards..
I love sending them, and I love getting them =D
- probably should have written that down the other way around.. -
And I've made a list to people I want to send it to!
And if you're on it, you're a lucky person cause my cards are SO cute! =D
I'll show a pic! =D
Cute aren't they?! =)
I think they are.. *nods*
Can't wait to send them..

NEXT STOP! =D

I'M SO INCREDIBLY NERVOUS!!
Whoosh o_O
Not even NORMAL!
Coming Saturday (The 19th) I'll be leaving to France to visit my Grandfather together with my neece! I'm so excited =D
I'm so looking forward to it! We'll go by plane.. just the two of us.. And only THAT already makes me nervous cause I've never traveled by plane on my OWN before..
I've traveled by plane a few times but never cared enough to actually mind how it all goes and stuff..
But now I'll have to do it on my own o_O
Cause I'm the oldest and my neece will probably expect me to take care of everything
- I'm expecting myself to take care of everything, cause I'm way to scared something will go wrong if someone else do it, THOUGH I don't know the fuck how this all goes?! -
Anyway.. It's gonna be loads of fun!
I'm sure of that..

So now I'm going to decorate my own little christmas-tree for on my desk =D
Yay! =D
And ofcourse I WILL show a pic when it's up!
WHOOSH!

Thoughts?

I wrote this last night when I decided I couldn't sleep..
Thoughts?

-------------------------

I'm a open book
that nobody dares to read
as if the forbidde pages can tell
I could cast over them, a horrible spell
But as the book remains unread
the pages turn more sad
Cause if noone dares to read
who knows where life can lead
so turn my pages, quick and soft
and you'll find that you'll be loved
no spell, no harm, my pages hold
love and comfort, nothing cold
take my book and read the pages
let me out of these vile cages
Cause nothing even compares
to the cold and sadness of a book, whichfor noone cares

Fail

Fail

Epic Fail

Tragic Epic Fail

Mega Tragic Epic Fail

Super Mega Tragic Epic Fail

Humongous Super Mega Tragic Epic Fail

Major Humongous Super Mega Tragic Epic Fail

XL Major Humongous Super Mega Tragic Epic Fail

.....
Fail

Think Topics

So I'm at school right now, supposed to make German..
But I'm so not going to waste my time on anything that has to do with German..

So I'm writing a blog =D
Naughty Naughty me..

I overslept today.. And it really pissed me off!
Luckily I got to school on time or people would have got killed..
- Or something -

My brother managed to wake me up around 4 in the middle of the night!!
It already took me 2 hours to fall asleep, and after that I didn't sleep anymore at all.
And I really need my sleep these days!

So I got really annoyed and that only made the possibility for sleep smaller..
I don't know why my brother woke me up, he wasn't even in my room..
But I do know it was him!

Yuck.. Brothers.. *sigh*

Oh! And I want to start a new thing ^^
I like.. "thinking" about things.. About issiues, and I like to know what other people think about those things..
Or I just need someone to think about it with, *cough* a computer *cough*
And I will call it: "Think Topics" =D Ain't that a tropic name!

- Lamo Alarm -

So Today's Think Topic is!

People who hide away from camera's, get agressive at the camera, have giggle attacks, get angry, run away, hide themselves, have issues..
I do think so! It's just a picture! It's not like they're those kind of monsters that turn into dust when somebody takes a picture of them!!
Do they?

Note To Anyone Who Will Listen To Me

Note to anyone who will listen to me;

The Weather Sucks!!!

Life's Better When You've Got Someone To Share It With

So.. Day off.. Nice! =D

Yeah.. If you knew what to do, or to say, so I could write a stupid blog all day..
HEY! That rhymes =']

Anyway..

Life is sorta good at the moment, work is fun, school is... mwahehemamawhehaha *ahum* okay..
And.. that's it..

OH! there's this one thing..

I do acting classes, I already do that for.. this is my.. 4th year? I think? *counts plays in head* 1. psychadelic stupid play 2. Miss-Holland 3. No-ones land 4. and current, MACBETH! =D
So yeah, 4th year right now..
And we're working on Macbeth =D What is sooo cool =D And I'm soo excited about it! =D
Only bad thing is that they want to play it theatraticly - or something - which basicly means.. Like.. Really overdo things..
And I'm more into the movie-kind-acting.. But I'll be okay!!
Problem is, since last week we've got this intern girl thing.
She used to be at my school, and we never really could get on together, we weren't fighting, but it was better we kept distance from each other..
AND NOW SHE IS OUR FREAKING INTERN!
This is HELL!
I can already see from her face she doesn't like our group, and still she acts all angelic - or whatever - pretending to be some really nice girl who knows how to act just because she's on an acting-school..
She thinks we're to.. Happy, joyfull, to much jumping around, we don't take it seriously..
THAT"S HOW WE'VE BEEN PLAYING FOR 4 YEARS! And we're the best from our whole art-centre! Not just saying, we officially are!
And if she manages to get to our teacher, who we love dearly - =( Please don't - acting will never ever be the same again.. If she gets to our teacher, our teacher will change, and she'll be hard on us, and we won't be able to be happy and jumpy and joking all the time during class.. That would ruin it =[
I'm really scared for that..

Besides.. Her name is Kaily..
That name just screams "I'M A BITCH AND I'M GONNA RUIN YOUR LIFE!"
Kaily-Trauma!! AARGH!!

(Thought it might be fun to include a picture of me "acting" I'm the one on the right with the wings ^^)

There's also this other thing that I'd like to talk about, but I don't quite know how to put it to words yet.. So, look forward to it ;) Once I know I'll blog it =D

xXxXx

I'm so oblivious to this..

So we're at the beginning of the weekend..

Surely, any other normal teen would have great plans for the weekend..

A nice movie-night with the girlies - getting absolutely stoned with the guys - or just go clubbing and get pissed for the people in between..

Now, I don't.. At first because I'm a boring person (I'm probably not alowed to say that from my friends..) But it's the truth..
AND! Because tomorrow is Sinterklaas =D As I already told you about..

My Bee isn't quite finished yet, but my mum has totally different ideas about it then me.
And as every teen may know! Parents ALWAYS think YOUR ideas suck and theirs should get nobel-prices or whatever they want to achieve with it..

So now I'm in a bad mood.. Grumpy..
Not only because of that,
But also because.
THE WEATHER *** SUCKS! Holy ***!
It's so *** cold o_O I think my nose dropped of while cycling cause I can't feel it anymore!
I hate this weather, makes my mood go *imitates a crashing aeroplane*

At days like these, everything sucks.. Even all my music sucks.. AND I still have to work in the evening! So that's gonna suck..

Suck suck suck suck suck.. BLEGH!

This was a happy blog, don't you think? xD

Anyway.. I have some happy things going on, but I'm so no in the mood to talk about that right now..
Yuck..

Morning, Afternoon, Goodnight, Whatever..

Hello, My Little Dreamers World!

- Okay that just sounded to lame to be even true -

Anyway.. When I started this blog I'd thought I'd have something to right about everyday..
BIG SURPRISE!
Are you ready?
Well I don't.. Well I do! But I don't..
Cause I'm not going to bore you with stupid stories about my day at school xD
Cause that's mainly the only thing that I do.. Or cán do..
School, School, School..
Just reading that already makes my hair turn grey
- AARGHHH!!! -

BUT, there is one other thing that I want to talk to you about..
And this is serious, and if you read this, please comment, or contact me or whatever.. Cause I'm like at the highest level of confusion..

Point is;

Imagine, you've never really had "Nice boyfriends" they were allways kind of "criminal"
-cough- drugs -cough-
So you like a bit more mature boys.. Everybody knows they're more "gentle" and they take things more serious..
Next to that is you've been having trouble with your parents and you need someone to comfort you and to just snuggle op against when you're sad..
Okay, next thing is, if you consider the above, could you fall in love with a 30 year old who can do that?
BUT, that's not it..
This 30 year old has a 7 year old child, he's a drug/alcohol/smoke-addict. He is thick, he is stupid, as in litterly stupid, he can't write properly, forget things etc.
And he's not even the hottest man, (I mean.. Nothing can beat George Clooney or Patrick Dempsey so to speak, but he isn't very good looking... Like far off from Clooney or Dempsey)
Could you fall in love with this dude? He makes you feel terrific, he makes you feel really good!
But.. You know..

Now, don't worry, cause this is not about me =]
It's about a friend of mine, and I'm kinda stressed about what to do..
I told her it's impossible to love a man like him if you're from a "higher stand" if you know what I mean.. We're kind of high-class compared to him..
But she is so madly in love with him.
I told her to stop but she says she can't do that anymore, she already to in love to stop..
Now what now? What do you think? You think she has to stop anyway? She IS in love..

Maybe this is some very heavy stuff, but it just really bugs me.. We talk about it everyday but we just can't seem to find a solution..

Besides, she says that if she leaves him he'll go crazy..

I think I'm going to become a nun..

Don't Tell Me What's Gonna Happen Next

Whoops! Haven't been on here for a while again!

Well, to be exact.. I have.. (OEH! Bad Me!) But I just didn't want to wast any of your time with all my boring rambeling about everything..

So.. where did we leave off??
Right! My sick being?

Well.. I'm okay again xD Obviously..

Haven't been doing much interesting..
Saw New Moon and I'm now even more Team Jacob!! =D

So.. *nervous giggle*

RIGHT! Back to the point.. *eyes wander off*
*sigh* shouldn't have inserted a picture...

Did nothing much of interest.. I worked for the first time at my new job =D
And it wen't fantastic!

Got ill again.. two days this time, really REALLY bad.. So let me hear some aaahww.. *Listens*
-_-" Not really impressing..

Wen't to Amsterdam and bought absolutely nothing!! =D
Very proud off myself for that actually..
Cause I have absolutely no money.. and with no money I mean my back acount says this; 00,00
Yes, no money..
So if I would enter shops I'd only get depressed! Cause I want the stuff! But I can't! Cause I don't have money!
So I don't enter the shops in the first place..
SO! I'm a very good strong girl for being able to do that!! It was reaalllyy hard, believe me..
But I did it! =D DID IT DID IT DID IT!

And now I'm making a "Surprise" - that's what it's called in Holland..
Cause you see, next Saturday it will be Sinterklaas. What is kind of the Dutch version of Santa Claus but then everything the opposite..
And like they have "Secret Santa" in other countries, we have "Surprises"..
It's kinda the same.. You buy a present for someone, and that someone doesn't know you bought it, only we added something. We have to make this sort of piñata-like thing around our present.
We don't have to start hitting it! That's not it xD
But we do have to make something funny..
I once got a lipstick, a Harry Potter, a Potato dressed like me, a mirror, a hat and loads of other things that make absolutely no sense.. But that's the just the fun..

So this year I have to do it for my cousin.. And she's always doing something.. So I'm making a "Busy Bee" =D
And it looks that cute that I think I'm gonna keep it myself!! =D

Unfortunatly, I can't.. *Mweeh!*
But at least I'm gonna make her very happy with it..

Haven't got anything else to say really.. So.. That was a quick catch up =D

The Whole World Is Upside Down

So today was quite an experience!!

Well actually not.. Cause I was ill at home..

Yay!!

I can't really say what is wrong with me.. but it's not good.. I dó know that I'm absolutely knackered, of what? I don't know! Which frustrates me cause than I can't even do something about it either!

So what do you do next?
Lay in bed all day with your laptop on your lap feeling sorry for yourself..

I did watch some good movies, Up and A Christmas Carol..
Both AMAZING movies! If you ever get the chance to watch them - DO IT DO IT DO IT!!

Had my acting-class again today (After a lot of begging I was allowd to go)
It was fun.. But my friend still annoys me.. She says she wants to get drunk all-the-freaking-time! And then when the time comes to get absolutely pissed she orders a f'ing diet coke.. HOW LAME IS THAT?!

And now she wants to throw a christmas party with us, so she can get absolutely drunk, but why would you give a christmas party to get drunk if you won't drink in the end?
Now my brain doesn't really work on it's full capasity right now, but at least I still know that you're going to have to drink something that contains alcohol to get drunk right? It's the only way! I'm sorry! *not*

Oh.. and then this other thing..
This really pisses me off!!
Everybody is cursing about "The youth of these days!"
They're all talking about which way it is all going, drugs, alcohol, raping, loverboys, etc. etc.

Well I think I just found it's course!
This days music that is shown on TV and played on the radio..
IT'S A CRIME!
Seriously!! Today I saw the new video of Beyonce and Lady Gaga - Video Phone..
*Click here for the video*
This is just redicilous.. She's talking about having sex *mind the unmissable panting* and that you can tape it with your "Video phone"..
HELLO!! PEOPLE!! SHE IS ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT MAKING PORN ON A FUCKING PHONE!!
Why aren't there any bells ringing?!
You've got the couse right under your nose! This is what makes this days youth! Sexistic beats that are herousing themselves on the telly!
It's freaking rediculous.. I can get SO mad about these things!!
I feel like killing these "Artists"..
You can't call this music anymore.. You really can't..
Bring back Elvis and Frank Sinatra please =[
The BeeGees, Abba? Anything..
You can take Lady Gaga and all those other sluts in return..

What things to think about when you're ill =']
XxX

So Early even the wind was still asleep

So today was my early day.. And I survived! But barely..

First thing hapenned was, I was actually the only one.. ( Apart from some poch kids from theother class who I really don't like and even less after today)
So that was great..
Next thing was, we didn't have anything to do till 8:30.. THEN WHY THE HELL DID THEY MAKE US COME TO SCHOOl AT 7??!!
So that kinda sucked.. But when more people came it was actually kinda fun.. I think people saw another side of me today =P

Had some awkward moments (People holding my and taping my mouth o_O Yeah.. I know)
Some weird moments ( Fell asleep on a table and the started to make pictures..)
Some funny moments ( Me and a boy had a beer and got really funny)
Some very stupid and irresponsible moments (I actually had a beer to much an am now all like "WHOEEHEEOOOEHHSHH" in my head..)

So to go on about that last moment.. I regret it soo much.. I can barely focus at one point at the moment and I'm really surprised I can still type..
I really wouldn't care if I didn't have anything important to do tonight. BUT I DO!
So I'm in deep trouble o.O
I have a information-evening tonight for my NEW JOB!
So.. this is going to leave a very good impression on them.. *ahum*

And now I'm desprate.. Scared I'll leave a bad impression at my work, scared my parents will find out, scared I won't even make it to my work..
AHH!
To much fear in this world!

"Slowly, Gently, Night Unfurls It's Splendour"

So I survived another day of biting teachers and the joy of being a girl..

Compared to other things in my life this day was actually quite easy!

Things between me and a boy from my class are getting easier by the day. I think one day he could seriously be one of my best friends! We can have a good talk. I need someone to talk to, someone close.
The good thing about this is, he trusts me, blindly. He wants to tell me everything in his life, even his darkes secrets. He wants me to be his friend!
I think this is the start of a great friendship!

Also I'm developing a rather weird obsession with "The Phantom Of The Opera".. I had one of these Phantom-phases earlier in my oh so long life..
So I'm quite surprised that I'm having one again. I immidiately started searching for guitar-chords and I found some really good ones =D
So I'll be happy in my free time..

Something bad now.. Or good, it's just the way you look at it..
Tomorrow I'll have to be at school by 7:00AM.. That is EARLY!
I guess I shouldn't have said yes, so it actually is my own fault..
But still.. I like to moan about my own mistakes =]
Basicly.. There is some kind of market for people who are in the boards of ROC-schools.. Which is the school I'm on..
So this means that all the students on the school are bound to be eaten by mean CEOs and teachers and other mean school people!
What's even worse than that - Yes it can be worse! - I'm a Santa's helper, so to speak.. I have to answer everybody's questions. I told you it could be worse..
But it's good practice right?
I'll survive.. *sigh* School from 7:00AM till 17:00PM

AAHHH!!!

"How long does it take before we die?"

So I might as well just kick off with the heavy stuff..

So tomorrow school will start again, as it is Sunday today. Normally I don't have much against school, it's the only place that I can actually hang around people that don't judge me for every single thing I do.

But last Friday I picked up my new timetable. Again, usually I really don't care when I'm at school. Cause I don't have a life anyway! *cough*
But this time it really really sucks!
I'll write it down for you..

Monday: 9:15 - 15:30
Tuesday: Day off
Wednesday: 9:15 - 16:15
Thursday: 9:15 - 16:15
Friday: 9:15 - 16:15

So.. You might think "What's the fuss? You don't have to go there on Tuesday!"
I'll tell you! Look at the other times! This means I won't be home 'till 5 every other day!
My parents already nag about every little thing I do wrong.. Might just as well not be home in time to do my chores..

I guess I'll live.. It's only for two and half months..

A First

Well.. First of all I just want to say that; usually I don't do these blog-things..

But we all have those moments in our lives that we think: "Hey! Let's do something new!"

So I don't know about you.. But I know I do =']

And I'm having one right now! So that's why this blog..

I'm kinda in a friendless period right now, I have barely anyone to talk to..
So this Blog-thing is kind of a lame replacement for a friend..

So this is a new era of my life!
(And you'll find out I'm not really thát lame to actually replace friends for a blog)