How I Hate The World Sometimes

Oh how I hate the world some times,
Oh how I hate the world..

At one moment you're as happy as you can be.
You are really honestly happy.

And in not even a second it turns around to totally the opposite..
And just goes down hill from there..

Oh how I hate the world for being able to do that =[
How I HATE it..

And how hard it is to keep my head up right now..
How hard it is to not just drown..
Let go..
Let the pain go..
Let the troubles go..
And life would be so much easier..
Boring!
But easier..
Defenitly less painfull..

Never Leave My Heart

Some friends might leave your life
But they never leave your heart

The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn

The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love
And to be loved
In return
- Moulin Rouge -

Fun is on my doorstep!

O-M-G!
No I won't start with that xD
With this kind of weather I just can't be troubled and grumpy and chaggy and sad anymore!
I LOVE IT!
I want this weather for the rest of the days untill I get sick of it and will beg for winter again =D
*Kid-Kid!*

I sat outside and read my book all-day!
So I got a little titsy-bitsy sunburned..
I think it's allright but my mum keeps pulling weird this-is-my-that's-going-to-hurt-face-faces when I walk by..
I don't mind sunburns..
I never get brown immidiatly I always have to get sunburns first
(yeah I know it's not good for your skin but at least its better then walking around like some Snowflake)
So this will be my first summer ever I won't be emmberaced about the fact that my skin is still extremely white =D
So yeah.. Bring on the sunburn xD

And tonight I have another meet up with the gals! =D
[It just can't get better..]
And we're gonna watch the documentry about our acting-class that's going to be up the whole WEEKK!!
I'm SO EXCITED!!
I'm gonna be on TV!!
REAL TV!!
And though it's not a channel that not many people watch,
IT'S STILL TV!!
AAHH!!

But about the tired thing..
I'm so tired lately..
And I really don't know how come!
My parents think I'm ill or something..
But I don't know..
Also my neck hurts a lot these days..
But okay..
It'll be over in a while I hope =]

But for now,
FUN IS ON MY DOORSTEP!

Lovely, Lovely, Oh, Such a Lovely day!

Today was SO lovely!
I sat outside in the garden all day!
The weather was warm, but not to warm, PERFECT!

Some of my friends came by and had a lovely chat with them =D
Was nice meeting up without really having a purpose..
Just go along as it goes..
Yeah awesome =D
Should do it more often..

And then had a delish BBQ =D
NICE NICE NICE!

Then it got a little less nice cause I got really realy really tired..
[I'll tell more about that tomorrow]
And than got a terrible headache.. (Which I'm sure will turn into migraine)
So I'm going to bed EARLY!

Bit sad =[Haven't heard from my boy [L] since friday =[
A bit worried..
I know I don't have to, but still those feelings come
you know?
I'm sure it'll be alright..
It's always alright in the end..
Will you tell me the truth even when it could mean my end?
Or would you tell me what would save me?
But cope with the sin of a lie,
Can you live with that?
Can you tell somebody it will be allright even though you know it won't?
In matter of life and death,
Will you tell me the truth or a lie?
Will you cath me when I fall?
Cán you cath me when I fall?
Hold my hand..
Keep me from falling into this lie..
Hold me..
Hold my troubled heart
And save me from this lie

A World

I woke up in a world that's suddenly heartshaped
- Laura Jansen -

Eyes

I could fall into those eyes,
pretty circles that I try,
To escape into
-Teddy Geiger-

How to waste a Blog

AAAH! MY 67th BLOG ALREADY?!
This is going way faster then I expected =D

Time

Time is just another challenge life has laid upon us

The Sims

So.. What did I do today?

Stayed in bed till Noon xD Was lovely.. Though it didn't seem to give me more energy then staying in bed till 9 =']

Played sims..
A lot..

I ate and drank.. Normaly today..
Though I did eat more candy then usually.. Don't know where that came from..

I played sims some more..
And my effins sim died ='[
And he left his wife and two young kids behind ='[
It was heartbreaking!!
Luckily I saved him before playing so I could just add him to the family and now he's married to the widdow and father of the kids again xD
All happy and fixed =D
The bad thing is that he does keep haunting the house at night..
From 23:23 till 4:34..
Firstly he obsesses some furniture, a couch a table or a closet.
And then he takes a nap in a bed or at some couch..
Weird ghost that is =']

Tomorrow internship again!
Not looking forward to it, though I don't feel like not going..
Just.. a lot of things are changing this week and I've got loads to do =P
So I'm a bit anxious about it all =P
Should be good though!

Goodnight! xXx

I love Delft!

Today I went to the city Delft.
Beautiful city! Lovely!
Very mysterious, and.. dark..
And at the same time such a friendly, warm, fun city!
Makes you very curious, cause on every corner of the street there something happened.
If it isn't where prins Willem van Oranje got murder by Balthasar it's something that has to do with the war.
And everywhere pretty old houses, and you can almost see ladys with long dresses and gentlmen with high hats standing in the doorways.
And when you look past the canals you can see boats with sacks of flower, and on the sides big coaches with big black horses and moody coachmen hurrying past.
I love Delft!

We went to a synagogue to. And there was a exhebition about jews in the war.
A part of my family is jewish. And had loads to do with the war.
And in the exhebition there was a whole part about my "forefathers".
My fathers grandparents to make it easy.
I saw pictures of them, and read their story's.
My grandfather fled. But his parents and sister got transfered by the germans.
And I heard they even had the chance to escape the truck they were in but didn't because they didn't want to abbandon their family that was taken at the same time.
And they were first taken to Westerborg and later transported to Auschwitsch and immidiatly got send tot he gasschambers..

It made me really sad to hear this.. It comes so close when you hear this..
My grandfather could have been taken by the Germans too..
My father wouldn't have been there then..
Nor would have I..

There was a book in that synagogue to.
A book with all the dutch jews that got send to camps and died there.
Saw their names in there. Almost a whole page with the same last name as me.
All family in some way.
It made me want to cry. But I couldn't in front of everybody.

I hate the war, how unjustified it was.
How horrible that stupid Hitler was.
There is no word bad enough to call him.
There can't be a person as bad as him.
I hate him so much.

And I hate it when people make fun of the war, or of jewish people, or anything like that.
If they don't take it seriously.
If they agree with that ass of an Hitler. Makes me wanna scratch their eyes out.
It's so heartbreaking. It breaks everytime I read or hear about it.
It's so sad.. So sad..

There's no sigh big enough that can lighten my heart about this..

Anyway =]
I don't want to say only sad things in my blog..
Cause it seems like loads of my blogs are really sad these days..
So something happy; These daily blogs are helping =D
I don't know how..
But since I'm blogging more it seems like I've got something usefull to do =P
(obviously it's not.. But it's easy to fool my mind xD Which is really weird cause without my own mind I can't fool my mind.. So now I think my two brainhalfs don't work together.. Which makes sence cause that would explain a lot of my contrary things xD)
So that's a good thing =D

I'll try to come up with more good things =]
But it's really hard for me to come up with happy things to blog about cause I'm just really confused these days..
I'm really really confused..
But I won't blog about that today cause that would make it a sad blog again =P
Maybe tomorrow..

But for now..
Goodnight

Because of You

I don't think I've ever shed tears of happiness
Pure joy that formed tears

Because though it's the top of the mountain of happiness
It's scary

I don't think I've ever been this happy
I don't know if I can be happier then this

I don't know.. If when this feeling ever ends..
If I'll ever feel like this again..

Cause losing this feeling is where my fear is
But that's okay

Cause I know that even the memory of this feeling can make me happier then I've ever been
And that's all because of you

I'm Okay ;)

So.. what did this girl do to entertain herself yesterday and today..

Well I ate..
Loads..
Don't know if I'm going to keep that up cause I'll be twice my size now in a week if I'll do that..
So that's how much I ate xD

I polished my necklace =D
So now it's all shineeee =D
As my grandma would say "Hij schitterd als een snottebel in de manenschijn!"
Hehe =']
Which basicly means it shines like boogers in the moonlight..

I played the sims =D
Alot =D
And I got this baby and it's too cute to be.. Well it ain't reall anyway but it's sooo cute =D
I named her Gabriëlle (In dutch not in english) and she's so cute =D

Aannndd..
I hade a Dr. Who Evening =D
Which was awesome =D
Had so much fun that night =P
It always seems to amaze me how much fun I manage to have with the girlzz xD

And though I did all that..
I still miss him like hell.. =[
But I'm okay, I'm managing quite well..
I'm really proud of myself I havent totaly broken down yet =D
Cause that's what I was mostly scared of..
But I'm okay =]
I'm okay ;)

This weekend

SO..
This is sorta going to be a long long weekend..

Reason 1;
It's a long weekend (4 days)
And I'm like.. the Queen of Boredom,
So I have to entertain myself for 2 more days..
Challenging..

Reason 2;
I have absolutely no one to entertain me..
And I'm also the worst person ever to entertain herself..
When I was a little girl (1 year old)
I couldn't even entertain myself..
I've never been able to entertain myself..
So it's going to be a boring weekend to..

Reason 3;
He's gone..
He left to work at a camping for the week..
WHICH MEANS:
Minimum contact..

I'm so spoiled..
I already hate minimum contact when it's just one day,
So I won't start about 5..
I miss him so much already..
I haven't seen him since monday,
And if fate is against us I won't see him till the 29th of may!
That's almost 3 weeks!
Luckily it's not minimum contact through all of those weeks..
But at least 10 days will..

And I should be troubles with this,
Cause I know that in summer it'll be like this for 33 days..
33 f*** days!!
It's going to be so so so hard and lonely!
In summer! Like the only moments that I have absolutely nothing to keep my mind of it!
I'm really not looking forward to it..

I'm going to have to find a way to survive this pain.
Maybe blogging?
A blogging count down =P
Haha xD I actually like the sound of that =']
What.. I have to do something against it right?

Just two months to go..
They'll fly over!
It will!

Oh god ='[

Swans

From my desk at my traineeship-place I can see this pond.
A long stretched pond, with a fountain, trees to the sides, flowers on the bank, reed and everything.
But then here’s the sad part.
There’s a swan swimming in it. I don’t know if it’s male or female. I can only see it’s a swan. Here’s the real sad part.
The swan’s alone.
Swans are always in pairs. A male and a female.
They never leave each other. Not even to find food. Always together.
Pure romance wouldn’t you think?
Humans should be like that.
But why is this swan alone?
Didn’t this one find it’s soul mate?
Or is the other half hiding.. Taking care of her young?
I still think it’s sad.. Poor swan.. I can sort of relate to it..

Fascinating creatures.. Swans..

Your sun

When your sun seems to have gone,

Light a candle..