Ik vind het toch zo stom als mensen ooto zeggen inplaats van auto..
AUto mensen! AUto!
OOto's bestaan niet!
Do the hustle!
Tu-tu-tu-tu-tudutu!
Prison looks like fun these days..
Shit man.. These inmates dance better then a lot of guys I know..
That's bad..
COMMON GUYS!
Do I seriously have to get myself into prison to have a proper dance with somebody?!
Just look at those hands of those dancers holding the ballerinas with such great care, moving her with so much grave and strengt, and still it looks so loveable and tender and gracious..
I was reading something and it seriously took my 5 lines to realize it wasn't dutch but english.. That's just weird xD I'm reading english without even noticing it!
Friday I saw an “old” friend of mine. Well.. She’s not really an old friend. She’s not a friend from a long time ago, nor a really old person.. (Perhaps in mind though.. *wink*)
I just didn’t see her for a while.. We’ve had our “problems”, but I feel so lonely and not myself lately, I thought lets get the magic going again. She’s the only friend that fits me like a glove, finish each others sentences, think exactly the same. So I thought it might be good to get back again. Not only because that would do me very good! (Gosh how selfish!) I just really like her!
And it was so much fun seeing each other again! =D *sigh* just like the good old days..
We ate at the same café where we first met (I met her on some kind of forum, and the café is where we first saw each other in person) Very weird to be there again, like, six years later.. Can’t believe I already know her that long! I know her longer than my own “friend-group” (I really don’t know what else to call it.. xD)
Anyway.. Contact is back up again, and I can’t wait to see her again! No doubt it will be a laugh!
Friday evening I went go-carting! WAS SO FREAKING MUCH FUN! I ended up last of the 6 people on the track.. But I didn’t care.. Wasn’t there to be first, was there to have some fun! Went pretty fast though!
Even.. in the second lap I flew out into the tire-wall pretty hard.. VERY hard.. My nephew was even worried after we got out of the last race! Really hurt though.. My wrist hurt till Sunday morning.. And nobody even cared, they were all to busy listening to themselves.. The only one who asked was my nephew..
But anyway it was really fun! Did way to much eye-flirting with one of the go-cart-track-guys.. Was fun to though xD
Saturday I had to work 8 hours in the supermarket again.. I’m really not liking this.. I hope this is not going to become regular! I won’t be able to keep it up! And internship AND 8 hours of work in the supermarket in the weekend?! And then I didn’t count the evening in the supermarket through the week.. If this is going to continue I will say something of it..
Saturday evening was my friends birthday! Yay! Was fun! (Geez.. Surprise..) Did all kinds of games, and we downloaded a stupid cat on our HTCs and started hitting it and talking to it xD Really fun! =D
Stop bitching.. It was only a stupid cat on a damned phone, it’s not real!
Sunday was a relax day.. Read books (No don’t shoot me yet)
Finished number 11, started number 12 (No, not yet!)
And ordered number 13 and 14 (Yep.. Go ahead.. Shoot me..)
I am not going to waste anymore words on this =P
Monday was my first day of internship again. Went pretty good actually! Though it wasn’t really much different then the usual.. Day went fast though! But still I rather would have stayed in bed.
A college told me though, that I was sticking out of the line of average students. That I had so many ideas, and so many will and concentration, and discipline, work-drive. I was different then other students, the average kind. I would do very well one day.
It was really nice to hear! And I believed that she meant it! I didn’t really believe IT though.. Doesn’t really sound like me..
And Monday evening I had my driving-lesson again! It went so well! Really easy and just flowed! Drove a lot over normal ways and stuff, really in traffic and not just some disserted road.
And when I came cycling home and turned down my street I saw the building-cart with “HIS” last name on it was gone. I couldn’t help but have a really really wide grin xD
I’m thinking less about him (I just keep saying that.. Doesn't make it less true though..), it’s really hard to explain. People keep asking me how I feel about him, and how I feel about it, and how far I am with “getting over it”. It’s really hard to explain..
I can’t really..
What I CAN tell you is that I’m okay, and that there’s no chance in hell, that we’ll get back together.
I don’t know if I told you guys this, but he was “haunting” me in my dreams. He was always there. If it was a person that really had something to do with my dream, or a person who walked by, a face in the crowd, at the back of the bar. He was always there. I always felt weird when he was in my dream. Some sort of fear, don’t know of what, but it still felt a bit like a sort of love.. Not anymore! He’s popping up less and less, and when I do see him, I just smile, and it doesn’t feel weird anymore..
I’ve let go. It’s getting easier and easier to look at other boys and flirt. (Especially the flirting part xD)
So yeah..
And now I’m at me internship doing things that have absolutely nothing to with what I’m supposed to do xD
How I love roses, that it's so sad everybody thinks roses are cliché makes me love roses even more
How I love the color red, for it can say so many opposite things..
How I love the smell of a sunny day, the beams streaming in through the window, playing hide and seek with me
How I love to get compliment on how customarfriendly I am..
How I love the smell of newly washed clothes
How I love the look on a boy when he knows he did something wrong, but he also know he'll gladly do it again
How I love the smell of a new book
How I love laying in bed till very, very late in the morning just thinking.. about what to do and then do absolutely nothing of what you were supposed to do..
How I love dogs running through the grass
How I love to make whole blogpostings in my head and then when I have the chance to actually write one to forget completly what I wanted to write about..
I'm sorry..
Totally obsessed with reading at the moment! I wake up, I read. I eat breakfast, I read, I shower, I read, I sit downstairs, I read, I watch tv, Can't do that cause my book wil distract me to much, I go to bed, I read, I wake up, and the circle continues.
With variations ofcourse.. But still it's taking every bit of my life..
Books are the best surrogate boyfriend EVAH!
Ooh I love my books!
Books I've read in the past summerholiday;
- Allison Weir; The Lady Elizabeth
- Jill Mansill; Rumor Has It
- Lynsay Sands; A quick bite
- Lauren Kate ; Fallen
- Lisa Kleypass; Again Magic
- Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl; Beautiful Creatures
- Sarah Dunant; The Birth Of Venus
And I'm totally forgetting one but I can't come up with which..
Right now I'm reading Linsay Sands; Love Bites. The follow up for A Quick Bite.
Not so far in it yet, but loving it already!!
By tomorrow I will have spend 24 hours in total in the Super de Boer (The supermarket I work) the whole week.. That's a lot.. That's a damn damn well lot..
Oh my god.. How I've missed looking at boys who are damn handsome and flirt like a madwoman with them.. Oh snap! I'm loving it!
I want to go to a manicure but I don't want to go alone and I don't know who to ask to come with me..
Whoosh! I'm not a girly girl! I just like manicures!!
I feel so happy these days.. So light.. Like I could fly, (I know it's because these books make me forget who I am and the boring life I have so actually it's just an illusion.. But hey.. If an illusion is all I can get I'll take it!!) And it feels good! It feels real good!
Just one week off left.. I really really really don't feel like going back to work.. Like hell no I feel absolutely not like going back there!
The only reason I'd like to go to school is because, for some great miracle there will be a new boy in class that will make me forget everything or something..
I thank you for destroying me into the core of my being.
I've learned things now,
I know things now.
I'm smarter now, better.
In one way I even think I might be better, greater, then I was before you.
Maybe you were always supposed to break me..
We were a lie, I see that now. Nothing was right.
I was living a lie, a dream, a misleading dream.
I thank you for hurting me.
I've learned things about me now. Things I never would have known if you wouldn't have broken me down.
I don't miss you. I don't regret not fighting for you.
Yes, I do regret some choices I made with you. Maybe it was even better to have stayed friends..
But I don't blame you. I thank you.
I'm lonely, my days are lonely and long, boring even.
But I know it's something I will need to bare. This path is one I need to walk. I need to walk alone. I can talk about it. But it would still be me, walking alone, down this path of torturing reflection on myself, my life, my choices. And I am thankful for that. Thankful for bringing me to this path. I should have found this path long ago in my life, but all I could find were sidetracks. Finally I am on the mainroad to a better me.
A new life, a new me. That's what this road is taking me to.
I can feel it. It's like my bones are shifting in my skin, my brain is turning in my head. My hands are different, my face is different, my body is different, everything is different. I like different clothes, different music, different food, different colors, different decorations.
And I thank you for that.
Mostly my days exist out if reading, reading reading reading. In one month I've read 6 books. That's like a record! I have to do without books now for 3 days and it feels like torture! But I've read all the ones I have and need to wait for new ones to come in.
It feels like this path is taking me back to wear I went wrong. I feel myself go through all the stages I've went through in my life. And this excites me! I can start a new life, build a new me.
I'm ready for a new life. And you gave me that chance.
