What is this?

What is this?
What is this wonderful monster within me?
A monster that keeps me in control but on the same time makes me wild?
That makes my brain turn 180 in all directions?
It makes my heart grow double it's size when he says he misses me..
It makes my lungs halter when he says he loves me..
It makes me powerless over my arms when his body touches mine..
What is this weird beautiful monster within me?
And why does it manage to make me cry?
Please keep torturing my fragile soul,
For it longs so much for your attention.
Please keep burning my tender skin,
For it longs so much for your touch.
Please keep messing with my foolish brain,
For it can only be fooled by you.
Please keep loving me,
For I long so much to you.

A Memory That Will Concer

The last flowerpetal might fall off,
The last birds might sing their last song,
The last cloud might leave the overcome sky,
The end of time might have arrived,
The memory of love will always remain.

If Only I Could Control Time

So kiss me, and smile for me,
Tell me that you'll wait for me,
Hold me like you'll never let me go

This morning I had the stupid feel like running into my parents bedroom and scream; "SNOOW!"
Not out of excitement ofcourse..
More out of frustration..

"Hold Me Like You'll Never Let Me Go"

"Love is a splendid thing, love, Lifts you up where we belong, all you need is love"

Like they said in "Moulin Rouge" and several songs.
And it is. Love is a splendid thing. And it does lift me up where I belong. I need Love.

"Love is a beautiful rose with painful thorns"

That's what I told my boyfriend. And it's true.
Love hurts. It Hurts me all the time. it's ripping me open. Tearing me apart, limb by limb, piece by piece.

"What is Love?"

A lot of people wonder about this. And so do I.
What is love?

When do you know you found true love?
When do you know this really is love?
And not a fling, or just a crush?

What's the difference between a crush and love?

Honestly, I don't know.. Don't you need to have a crush on him before you truly know you love him?
And isn't a crush some kind of love?

I honestly don't know.

But if we look away from the part about what love is.

Why do we need Love so bad?

Why do we? Why does a human need love? Why can't we stand being alone?
Why do we long for that soulmate? That one we belong to? That one we feel home with, even when you're on the strangest place on earth?
Why is the quest of most lives to find the one?

And we all know Love hurts. It hurts so bad. It makes me want to tear of all my clothes and just stand in the nothingness.
The nothingness that's only filled with happy things when he is close to me.
The notthingness that's filled with silent tears, unseen tears, imaginary tears.

The maddening, never ending, nothingness

Just imagining him around another woman makes my head explode.
Thinking about him leaving me makes my heart burst.

So maybe it's onlye the leaving part that hurts, the being away from each other part, the missing part.
Maybe that's the only thing that hurts?

But I hate that part. I hate that part so much.
And we still love?

"I was born to love you baby!"

And then the love thing. This confusing, amazing, wonderful, love thing.

Just think about it.
Count the songs about love in your playlist. Songs about being in love, songs about a love, songs about a broken love.
How many of all the songs in your playlist are NOT about love?
I bet it aren't a lot..

Everything in life seems to be revolving around love.
And I can't seem to get my head around it.
Why? Why is this?
Why are we so incredibly depending on love?

And why is it,
that even though we know this is all going to hurt so much we are going to go crazy,
we still fall in love?

"If you can't fight the feeling, let go and believe in, fall in love"

And though I don't understand a single thing about the love-issue

The love bug has struck me.

I'm so in love there's no turning back.

I tingle when he touches me.
I shiver when he tells me he loves me.
I hold me breath when his lips touch my sking.
My head spins when we kiss.

"That's when you know you're in love"

But I guess I don't really need to know what love is.
Maybe that's one of the fun parts about it?
Maybe we'll never really know what love is..

And whether I know what it is or not..

I'm going to love anyway

"Hold me like you'll never let me go"

That's Just The Way It Is

Carnaval was so unbelievebly amazingly AWESOME!
I loved it =D
Had so much fun =D
Met some really nice new people, and I got to spend a whole weekend with my wonderfull boyfriend 0=]
And I didn't get drunk!
Just a bit tipsy.. but That's okay =P

Last night my whole evening was for free!
Free enterance, free drinks, and I even earned €25 xD
Now if that ain't "knowing how to Party" I quit being..
being.. Ehm.. Well I just quit! There!

And now I'm home again =[
Alone.. (Well not alone obviously but it feels like it..)
I thought it was getting easier to say goodbye to my boyfriend everytime..
But today proves me wrong =[
I miss him so much already..
And it feels kinda weird, cause we already see each other more then other couples do! (as we are in the same school, and class)
And still I manage to miss him like crazy!
I'm so in love with him I'm just going to give up on all the other people..
DON'T WORRY!
Ha xD You probably thought I'm going to abandon all my friends ='] You loser..
No.. I'm going to give up on trying to please everybody and prove them wrong that this is not going to fast, and I haven't lost my senses in to some boy.
I love him, I do.
And I'm the one who loves him so I should be the only one to care.
I'm not stupid..

I just want to be around him. That's all =]
We don't even have to do anything, just sitting next to each other would already settisfy me xD
I just want to have him close around me =]
Cause when he is I feel good.
When he is I feel confident.
When he is I feel like me.
When he is I feel happy.
Yes, I'm unrevocibly in love with this boy and nothing is going to stop me ^^,

That's just the way it is!

Over and Out!
- xXx -

Carnaval!

This weekend it's carnaval in Holland!! =D

Not the Brazil kind like this

But like this! =D

Actually it's way more fun like this! =D
You dress up the stupidest and the gooffiest - is that even a word? - as you can =D
And than you party at music that makes absolutely no sense and are that easy you can sing along after listening to it for two times..
And you drink beer..
Loads..


Anyway.. I'm SO looking forward to it =D
Celebrating it with my Boyfriend (A) Who is a Pro in Carnaval..
So I should be fine.. I hope..

There's freaking snow again here in Holland o_O
And I know I told several people that I would break down and cry - maybe even on here? -
But I didn't actually break down and cry.. Though I did want to!
I HATE THE SNOW!
I won't even feel sorry for myself if I say that I'm so incredibly STUPID - !!!!!! - for ever even liking snow! What was I thinking?

Enough off the rambling..
Still need to find the last things of my costume - I'm a cowgirl! =D - so I better be off (A)
Just didn't want to leave without giving my blog a last bloggerdieblog! =D

Love xXx

Love Is In The Air

Love is in the air
Everywhere I look around
Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound

And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes

No Way In Denying It

So.. Yesterday I went shopping with me honeys Janneke and Yorien! =D
Hooray!
No seriously xD It was fun..
Wasn't so much fun that I was feeling like poo under a shoe though =[
OH SHIT THAT RHIMES!

Anyway xD
Scored lots ^^
A shiny vest =D Ahu ahu!
Four t-shirts xD Yeah I know *subtle roll of the eyes*
And a schrumbalicious jeans! =D Boomchickawawaou!

So it was fun xD
Had loads of laughs =P
Got attacked by the traindoor xD Yeah I know ='] Stupido!
Yorien totall walked the wrong direction like.. 4 times xD
And Janneke.. Well.. Janneke just being Janneke is already a laugh =']
HAHA! Sorry (A) Love you gals!

And tomorrow my sweet, lovely, caring, romantic, too good to be true, boyfriend is coming over! =D
I'm so - oh my gosh - head over heels for him xO
I didn't even know you could be so in love with somebody <3 time ="']" stomach ="]">

I love him

No way in denying that xD
When this all started I didn't expect to feel like this either..
But I'm enjoying every second of this feeling!

I Would Love To

I would love to be that one to make you smile

Because I'm Bad!

Oeh! Blogging while in School!
Yeah I'm deffenitly bad..
Sorta..

Actually don't know much to blog about xD

I've been thinking about this thing I'd like to blog about
But I just can't seem the right words for it..
And when I do I forget them?! o.O
Can you believe it?!

So look forward to another deep blog anytime soon =P
I must do it sometime xD
Can't keep walking away from it..
It has to be done!

Goodbye xXx

I Wish You Were Here

One of the most beautiful songs ever!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------



The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here