I thank you

I thank you for doing this to me.

I thank you for breaking me.

I thank you for destroying me into the core of my being.

I've learned things now,

I know things now.

I'm smarter now, better.

In one way I even think I might be better, greater, then I was before you.

Maybe you were always supposed to break me..

We were a lie, I see that now. Nothing was right.

I was living a lie, a dream, a misleading dream.

I thank you for hurting me.

I've learned things about me now. Things I never would have known if you wouldn't have broken me down.

I don't miss you. I don't regret not fighting for you.

Yes, I do regret some choices I made with you. Maybe it was even better to have stayed friends..

But I don't blame you. I thank you.

I'm lonely, my days are lonely and long, boring even.

But I know it's something I will need to bare. This path is one I need to walk. I need to walk alone. I can talk about it. But it would still be me, walking alone, down this path of torturing reflection on myself, my life, my choices. And I am thankful for that. Thankful for bringing me to this path. I should have found this path long ago in my life, but all I could find were sidetracks. Finally I am on the mainroad to a better me.

A new life, a new me. That's what this road is taking me to.

I can feel it. It's like my bones are shifting in my skin, my brain is turning in my head. My hands are different, my face is different, my body is different, everything is different. I like different clothes, different music, different food, different colors, different decorations.

And I thank you for that.

Mostly my days exist out if reading, reading reading reading. In one month I've read 6 books. That's like a record! I have to do without books now for 3 days and it feels like torture! But I've read all the ones I have and need to wait for new ones to come in.

It feels like this path is taking me back to wear I went wrong. I feel myself go through all the stages I've went through in my life. And this excites me! I can start a new life, build a new me.

I'm ready for a new life. And you gave me that chance.

I thank you for that.