I'm so done

I'm so done with everything..

I'm so done with becoming eighteen..

IT'S JUST A FUCKING AGE!
Just one year closer to the year I'll die..
God how I can't wait for that year to come right now..

All the things to take care of takes all the fucking fun away from becoming 18

And besides.. how much different will it be from becoming 17? 16?15? 4?
NOTHING!

I won't FEEL different! It's just a number we put on each other to have an excuse to say "I'm older, so much wiser than you are"
Which everyone knows is bullcrap..

I'm done with birthdays..

I only do it for the presents..
GO FUCK YOURSELF IF YOU'LL JUDGE ME ON THAT YOU DO IT TO! ADMIT IT!

I'm so fucking done with work

Nobody apreciates it, nobody understands it, nobody knows how hard it is to stand at that fucking customerdesk for 6 straight hours.
NOBODY FUCKING KNOWS!
So don't go tell me I can't be tired when I come home CAUSE YOU NEVER DONE IT!

Nor would you be able to.. 

I'm so done with thinking of him..

It's taking so much energy to fight against him, and still I can't win..

I think of him every second, I don't even know if I think of him as a friend, an anemy, a wished-for lover.. 

I can't see the difference between those anymore cause I feel it all at once..
I think I can't seem to let him go because I really really really don't want to be alone.
If I wasn't so.. scared... of being lonely again I probably already forgot about him..
I think that's why my mind is trying to tell me again that I love him..
It's totally the other way around!
It's not my heart fighting against my head, telling me that he IS the place to be! He is should have stayed mine!
No.. My heart is the one under attack..
My mind is telling my heart the keep loving him, he'll be good to me again, it'll become just like before, I don't NEED to be alone, I'll have him back again.

But my heart doesn't really want him back..
My heart wants something new, somebody new, explore new things, feel new things.
But my mind is scared to make the step. 

I'm so done with the constant struggle..

I'm so done with friends telling me all their fucking problems which makes me feel like an idiot because my problem is probably not half as bad as theirs so I just go on instead of deal with it cause it's nothing..

I'm so done with friends who are so selfish and just want attention for their own stupid life that I already know inside out, because nothing every changes with them, and still they manage to make it seem new everytime again.

I'm so done with being scared of loneliness. Everybody has it, nobody has really died of it, have they?

I'm so done with being tired all the fucking time

I'm so done with having a hurting neck all the fucking time

I'm so fucking done thinking of that FUCKING ASSHOLE THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!

I'm so done with being somebody I'm not,
I'm so done with trying to look strong,
I'm so done with convincing people I'm okay.

I'm not okay.

But I don't need your help.
I don't need you sympathy.
I don't need a listening ear.
I don't need a shoulder to cry on.
I don't need "just a friend"
I don't need anybody

I don't need anything.

And I most deffenitly don't want anything from you..