Crying

I feel so confused I only want to cry..

I'm scared of myself..

I don't want this..

But I don't want "this" either!

I want to cry..

If only that would help..

Oh I wish crying could solve everything..

If it did I'd cry oceans right now!

It just feels so wrong all of it!

Like there are two persons in my head, screaming at each other..

And it's so loud I can't even hear what they're saying..

I'm so confused..

I want to cry.. if it'd solve it..

And there just doesn't seem to be a solution that's worth it..

Cause I can go neither way!

I'm stuck in my own trap..

I've gone to far, and yet I'm right where I want to be..

It's so wrong..

My feelings always Tell me what to do.. my feelings have never lied to me, never been wrong about anything, I rely on my feelings..

And right now I'm having so many feelings that I'm totally numb. I don't feel a thing.

I don't know what to do.

And that's when my head steps in. My head is my net, that what I fall back on when I don't know anymore..

But because there are so many voices, so many feelings, I can't hear my head anymore..

I'm lost in this unending, facinating, drunken, drugging, beautiful light..

And I can't get out..

Maybe if I cry enough I'll just float out..

And then I thought I was done with it..

How naive of me..

I should have known better, nothing ever "gets done" the easy way with me..