He's saying that by Christmas he might already start his 2nd traineeship.
Which means he'll be gone from my life again.
Somehow I feel really repugnant about that..
I've started to become used to talking to him again.
And I feel like the only reason he's talking to me now, is so it won't be awkward when we get back to school.
Which means, that when he starts his 2nd traineeship he won't have a reason to talk to me.
I'm don't like that very much.. I still "like him as a friend" or however I'm supposed to say that without people getting suspicious.
I'll miss him again. Somehow this feels like losing him all-over again, in a different way.
Damn.. Why's this so complicated..
And I can't talk to my friends about this, because they say I talk to much about him.
But I need to talk about him, I need to talk about this! Or I won't get it out of my system!
I got over him so fast, I'm happy for that, but this also means the aftermath will be long, and I knew that to..
But I need to talk about this. I need someone to tell me it's going to be okay. I need someone to tell me that they understand that this feel weird.
I need someone to tell me that it's not weird to "miss" your ex-boyfriend even though you're not in love with him anymore.
I need someone to tell me that it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel lost. As long as you find the way back.
I need someone to get angry with me, for even thinking of feeling alone though I have rows of friends waiting to catch my fall.
I just need somebody who can be there for me full time.
Doesn't need to talk about me all the time. Not at all.
I just need someone to chatter to about nonsense. I want somebody who'll tell about their life.
I just need attention, full time.
Full time attention.
"We" were almost full time attention. I just need that damned attention.
Damn him..
I wish I could hit a button to speed forward and just skip this part, get it over with..
Skip the part when he'll be gone again, skip the part that I'll feel lonely as hell again, skip the part that I feel miserable that I won't have someone to argue with anymore, skip it to the part that I'll be happy again.
I know what would solve this!
NEW BOYFRIEND!
Dammit.. Can't I order one from Russia or something?
Which means he'll be gone from my life again.
Somehow I feel really repugnant about that..
I've started to become used to talking to him again.
And I feel like the only reason he's talking to me now, is so it won't be awkward when we get back to school.
Which means, that when he starts his 2nd traineeship he won't have a reason to talk to me.
I'm don't like that very much.. I still "like him as a friend" or however I'm supposed to say that without people getting suspicious.
I'll miss him again. Somehow this feels like losing him all-over again, in a different way.
Damn.. Why's this so complicated..
And I can't talk to my friends about this, because they say I talk to much about him.
But I need to talk about him, I need to talk about this! Or I won't get it out of my system!
I got over him so fast, I'm happy for that, but this also means the aftermath will be long, and I knew that to..
But I need to talk about this. I need someone to tell me it's going to be okay. I need someone to tell me that they understand that this feel weird.
I need someone to tell me that it's not weird to "miss" your ex-boyfriend even though you're not in love with him anymore.
I need someone to tell me that it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel lost. As long as you find the way back.
I need someone to get angry with me, for even thinking of feeling alone though I have rows of friends waiting to catch my fall.
I just need somebody who can be there for me full time.
Doesn't need to talk about me all the time. Not at all.
I just need someone to chatter to about nonsense. I want somebody who'll tell about their life.
I just need attention, full time.
Full time attention.
"We" were almost full time attention. I just need that damned attention.
Damn him..
I wish I could hit a button to speed forward and just skip this part, get it over with..
Skip the part when he'll be gone again, skip the part that I'll feel lonely as hell again, skip the part that I feel miserable that I won't have someone to argue with anymore, skip it to the part that I'll be happy again.
I know what would solve this!
NEW BOYFRIEND!
Dammit.. Can't I order one from Russia or something?
Post order boyfriends. Might be a good idea. Please don't feel that you can't talk to us about him because of course you can, really. Someone saying you talk about him a lot is not meant to say that it's annoying. We all want to be there for you, really. We love you! I know we (I, at least)can't be there for you full-time but whenever you really need me/us you know where to find us. <3 Whenever we are with you, feel free to say what you need to get out of you honey. :hug:
ReplyDeleteI know.. And I love you all for being there when I need you.. But like you said last week, there are friends that you do one thing with, and there are friends you do the other thing with. He used to be a friend I did the other thing with, and you guys can't fill that spot. And that's okay. I don't want you guys to change.
ReplyDeleteI just don't want to bother you with my unending babble of stuff I can't even understand myself. And I can't blame you for not wanting to hear it. But I don't want to see your faces twitch everytime I mention his name. It makes it harder to talk about it..
But I love you nonetheless and I want to end up in a old-peoples-home with you along with my post order boyfriend! xxx
Blog - buddies!
ReplyDeleteI know what it is like to miss your exboyfriend. I miss Mr B(arkeeper)too, and I hate that he has deleted me from his msn-list, though I never talked to him much. I was quit unbalanced last night. It is like I cannot reach him anymore, every chance of getting back together has died. Not that I want that, I mean, I don't want a silly, sad boy; I want a MAN (wraah!)
(That might be one of the reasons I'm so not into mr. wrattenhanden.)
I want you to know that I couldn't stop loving you, even if you'd talked about 'him' for the rest of your life. I just said that lest wednesday because I want you to realise there are to reasons to talk about him. You could talk about him because you want to get things out of your head, or you because you still fancy him a little bit. That's a really important distraction to make.
I want to be there for you,
just like you're my savior every time too.
Oh,
and for the Desperate Houswives between us, here's a company to fulfill you with human needs (http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/. I think I want one from italie...
God I love you girls so much it almost hurts!!
ReplyDelete