And it will not be accidantly

Woei.. Haven't really been on here for a while..
Well I have, but not really with a good blog anyway =P

Traineeship is starting get better and better by the way! =D
I think they're serious about giving me a job..

And I'm talking to "him" almost on a daily basis now..
Sometimes it's a bit awkward.. Well on my side anyway =P
Cause I don't want to please him, but I don't want to be to much against him either..
And I don't want to show to much that I care for his well-beeing, but I don't want to be too caring that he'll be suspicious or something..

It's just really weird..
I like talking to him though =P
He's still able to make me laugh..
Though most of the time I still think he's a prick and needs to get of that fucking horse of his..
Once he said he was a very social person..
Oh wel sure he is!
He talks to EVERYBODY! And he's good at talking to people..
I just think his problem is that he should try NOT talking about himself and being interested in what the other person says..
Cause he still doesn't do that..
Doesn't surprise me though ;)

Why is it.. That suddenly now everybody has found the abbility to fall in love with me?
And why the hell is it..!!

That all of them are boys I'm not interested in!

Not that I'm "interested" in anybody right now..
But at least, if people were interested in me, would have been nice if I'd found them "interesting" in that way to.. 

I'm at the brink of losing it. I can feel it. I'm going to have a physical break-down soon.
I can feel it everywhere. This morning I had to sit down because everything was spinning and I felt sick as hell..
Though I didn't even do anything yet.. 

I feel like I want to scream..
I feel like I'm in one of those things they put crazy people in.. 

Maybe I am crazy.. 

I feel tied up
I feel stuck

Stuck in this life

And I don't know how to change it, without changing me.
I don't want to change me again.
I like this me.
I want to keep this me.
I'm happy with this me. In every aspect.
Even my looks!

I'm done with having no choices..
Well, I have a lot of choices, really!
But just none of those choices are options. Not even to consider.. 

And that sucks.. 

Sometimes I wonder how I'll make it to an old age.
I just don't see me getting old.

My life has no future.
Maybe that means I should take it by the day and I'm way to down to earth to think about what might be in 50 years?
Or maybe it just means what it is.
No future.

You know what would be nice?
Someone to step up to me, put a hand on my shoulder and give me a brilliant smile.
And then that someone would say; "Hey! I like you as a person. In every aspect!"
And mean it, without a gooy sentimental way. Just spontanious.
I'd like to get more compliments..
To bad you can't order them from your friends and family..

Maybe I should wear a sign around my neck that says "Give me compliments or I'll fall of a very high building! NOT ACCIDANTLY!"