He Wasn't The Boy I Fell In Love With

This lonelyness, this emptynes.. It's something I won't be able to fill for a long time..
I feel it already.. The missing part.

Having everything I want again, except for that part..

How I HATE this missing part! It used to drive me crazy, litterly crazy!

People say the Happy Single feeling will come in a few days or weeks again.

But I know me!

I know it won't!

HAPPY SINGLE DOES NOT EXCIST!

I miss him.. Not as "in love" anymore.. I can feel the "getting over him"-proces now. It's getting less, I'm letting him go. I'm more missing his personality.
And then not the shaggy tired bastard he was the last few weeks..
I mean the one who was my friend. Who could make me laugh. Who I could have a conversation about cookies with for a hour long!

The one who I could tell everything. The one it was so easy with to be around. The one that still wanted the best for me, and was interested in me, wanted to know me.
I miss that boy.. 

I wonder if he's okay. He wasn't doing well.. I noticed that.. I hope he's getting better.
He was so serious since internship. Always working, work work work.
It was all he could talk about.
Internship was where it went wrong. That's when he drasticly started to change.
And he probably didn't even notice.

A few months ago he said that his friend told him he'd changed. He wasn't the fun him anymore. He wasn't the goofy weird him anymore.
I knew his friend was right.. I just didn't tell him. Besides I didn't really notice as much as his friend did at that time.
But since Internship everything changed. I felt it in the first week, we changed.
No.. HE changed..
He wasn't the boy I fell in love with anymore for a long long time. And if he ever comes back, I don't know. But somehow I doubt it.
I was in love with a somebody that was no longer there. I was in love with a lie, a lie to me, I lied to myself.
Kept hoping that he'd come back. Maybe that's why I staid with him.

But my goofy boy isn't coming back.
My goofy boy is gone.
So there's no need to keep loving him, I'm in love with a memory.

There's no need to still want him, what I want is a memory.
The one I loved no longer excists.

I do wonder if he's okay. I'd like to ask him, how he is, but I just don't have the guts to talk to him.
Don't know how he'll react, don't know if he wants me to talk to him..
Maybe he just wants me to bogger off..

I do wonder if he's okay..
I still want the best for him.
I still care for him, in a different way, but I still do..

I wish I knew..
I wish I knew how he felt..
How he's dealing with this..