No lies

I am not going to lie..

I miss him..

When something happens I feel like telling him..

I constantly feel like talking to him..

Just for fun

But I wouldn't even know what to say to him

There are a million things I could say to him, would like to ask him, would like to hear him say

But I won't hear them nor will I say them..

It doesn't hurt anymore to see his name pop up on my screen

It doesn't hurt anymore to see his name on my phone

It doesn't hurt anymore to talk about him, or think of him

But why is it that I can't get him out of my head?!

Why can't I just let him go?!

Why is it that even though he hurt me more then anybody ever did I still can't stop loving him?!

What is it with this boy that I just can't let him go?

What can he Give me that no other boy can give me?

Why do I love him so much in the first place?

How come, that I wanted to break up with him 3 weeks ago, but when he breaks up with me I'm devastated..

I had faith in us.. faith in him..

I thought it'll be alright..

Why didn't he talk to me.. it would have been so much easier to understand if we could have talked e everything out..

I was his girlfriend! And he never told me anything!

There was nothing he could have said that would make me leave him..

He never talked about his feelings.. Monday he told me what was bothering him Tuesday he broke up with me..

Why didn't he just talk to me :'(

I'm not saying I could have talked him of this decision. But this all would have been easier..

I'm scared.. and I don't know of what I'm just scared..

And I feel alone..

Though I have so many friends who are there for me, who support me..

My family being so nice to me, comforting me when I look sad or am silent..

And still I feel alone..

I have two me's..

My heart-me, the emotion me. She's so weak right now. Screaming to be comforted but nobody can. The emotion-me is holding on to him so tightly. Thinking that it will come alright. That I'll get him back. The emotion-me is crying all the time.

And then there is the brain-me. The one that knows what's good for me. She's really strong. Surprisingly strong!

She wants to move on. See new things. Do things. Wants to get back in the game!

It won't come alright. I've lost him. For good. I won't get him back and I HAVE to move on! I can't dwell in the past!

He doesn't love me anymore and that's that. End of story.

It's better this way.

The last 3 weeks I fell asleep crying.

Hes going down and was dragging me along with him.

He wasn't giving me back anything. No attention no interest.

I don't deserve that. I deserve better.

It's better this way

But as long as those to won't work together I'm not going anywhere. Nothing will change nothing will happen. Things won't get better.

I'm so confused..

I miss him.. so much..

I don't know what he wants and I don't know what he needs..

I don't know what his feelings about me were when we broke up.

I don't know how he thinks back on us.

I don't know what he wants.

If only he had just talked to me I'd be so less confused right now..

I don't know what I want and I don't know what I need.

This is what I was scared of when I started this relation.. losing a friend.

He was a friend before this and during this .

And now I've lost a friend. I've lost my heart..

I need to fix this but don't know how..

I miss him.. I wish we could just talk.

About nothing special! Just a casual conversation about nothing important..

I just miss my friend..