Break up's are hard..
I barely heard what he was saying..
I was to busy ignoring my shaking knees, the burning tears,
The urge to kiss him real hard to show him what he'll miss..
I wanted to shout at him
"No I dont understand! I don't want to understand! How can you be so selfish!"
But I didn't..
Why?
I just couldn't
I needed all my strenght not to break down in front of..
Why I didn't want to break down in front of him?
I don't know.. It was over anyway..
Maybe I didn't want to show him that I was weak without him?
That I am weak without him..
I gave him a hug and a kiss, and walked away..
The only thing I heard was "Really, I'm sorry.."
And from the moment I turned my back at him every single word he said the past 5 minutes kept repeating in my head..
I didn't understand.. I didn't..
Some tears escaped, and I heard some boys yell "Crybaby! What's up?!"
I ignored them and kept walking..
Chin up, strong strides..
Though tears were running over my cheecks, I had to keep walking..
People looking at me questioningly, had to keep walking..
I reached the tram-platform,
And there it grasped me..
He was gone, out of my life, probably forever..
Never I would get to hold him, get to kiss him, get to laugh with him, get to hit him when he made a stupid joke, get to be worried about him, crave him when he had that look on his face, butterflies when he smiled at me, soothing words when I was scared, Sweet words when I felt alone
Never I would get those things from him again
I started hyperventilating
I didn't want this, I didn't want this at all
I didn't want this to happen, I tried so desperatly to avoid this, and still it happened, all my work didn't do anything..
I thought about running to the platfrom he'd probably be standing at now.
But I couldn't move, I was nailed to the spot I was standing on, heavily breathing,
biting my lip, I won't allow the tears to come yet
Finally the tram came,
more people looking,
and I could have sworen I heard someone say "The girl looks sad, I feel sorry"
I was scare I bit my lip to hard and it would start bleeding,
But before I got to that point I could finally get of the tram..
I stept in the rain, but I didn't care..
I didn't care about the water soaking my skin..
I barely felt it..
It felt soothing to the pain that had striken me..
This pain tearing me apart..
This pain that was surely going to take my life in just a few hours..
I got on my bike, after dropping my keys 15 times..
I couldn't keep the tears, sobbing I cycled home
I forced myself to close the barn and the fence and stepped inside my warm home..
It was warm yes, but I didn't feel it, all I could think of was this gaping hole inside of me..
There were once was my heart,
was now a empty spot,
that what once was a heart beat,
was now a scream for comfort, for my heart, for my soul
a scream of pain
I couldn't turn to face my mum who was sitting inside on the couch..
I locked the door and stood there for a few seconds..
"What's wrong?" she asked..
And that's when I broke..
That's when I hystericly starting crying..
It felt like I died right on that spot..
I fell to the floor, crying
Couldn't sit, couldn't lay down..
Didn't want any clothes on, kept pulling on it
I felt like I was chocking
I couldn't drink
I couldn't talk
All I could do was cry
Hystericly
How long?
I don't really know..
When I was able to talk it we were a hour and a half further..
My brother cried, hurt because of my unejurable pain
My mum cried, her mother-heart bleeding that her daughter was so broken
My father cried, feeling so sorry for me, but not knowing what to do himself
I explained, told the story, let out my emotions
I took of my necklace.. HIS necklace..
It felt so heavy around my neck, I couldn't wear it anymore..
Every 5 seconds another hysterical sob..
23:00 was when I finally calmed down..
I came home at 21:20..
I slept like a baby that night..
But thinking over and over about thát moment..
Hearing everything he said, repeating in my head
"Can you understand? Please, understand.. I'm sorry, really"
Older moments, moments of us together,
First time we kissed, just laying on his bed, watching a movie, holding his hand, he's telling me something, walking through the mall, he lifted me up, he hugged me so tight, first time he said he loved me, first time we met
I stayed home the next day..
I was emotionless, I was a walking corps, I didn't eat, I didn't drink
I looked like shit, no light in my eyes,
My mouth was everything but what you could nearly call a smile,
Pale white skin
All I did was sit on the couch and watch tv..
I went to shower at 12:00
And I knew that was going to be the moment for my next breakdown..
And so yes it did..
30 minutes long, another hysterical sobbing session..
I would never see him again, I would never hang out at his place again,
I would never feel his arms around me again, he would never look pissed at me again when I said something wrong, I would never get to talk to him when something bothered me, I would never tell him again when something made me happy, I would never talk to him again about things I saw, I would never talk to him again but his plans, I would never talk to him again..
Though I did notice.. It was not the break-up itself that was bothing me.. It was more that all the things I was going to miss bothered me..
I accepted the fact that it would never be like it was again..
I accepted the fact that is was over..
We're over..
Still I couldn't bare be alone..
So I went to my grandparents, talked about everything..
And it cleared alot out for me too..
It still feels weird, but I've accepted it.
It's weird, that all the things we've planned won't be with him anymore..
It's weired that I'll never get to see him like that again..
I loved him at the moment we broke up,
and that makes it hard..
You can't just stop loving somebody..
I'm surprised about the fact that I accepted this all so fast,
But the hardes part is yet to come,
I have to get over him..
I'll never forget him, I know that
In my whole life, I know that I'll always remember these 5 months..
Those 5 months were special,
He was special, I'll never find someone like him again..
I'm not saying I won't ever find a new lover, cause I will..
I know that..
Happy Single is a term I've never known, and will never know
But nobody will be like him..
It'll be hard finding somebody fit for the job,
But I'm going to try..
I'm going to try my hardest to get over him
I have to..
I didn't throw away his necklace, I won't throw it away..
I'm happy that he said I could keep it.. Really happy..
Cause it symbolises a very happy time for me..
A very very happy time..
I've never been that happy as in the time I was with him
He gave me energy and strenght, and when I hold that necklace I can still feel that strenght..
It sounds weird but it does..
I'm going to keep the necklace..
I said I couldn't cry about it anymore because I had already cried out all my tears
I said I couldn't talk about anymore because I already talked about everything that there was to be said
But that's not true, I think there's still a load to come..
Still a load of pain to come..
The whole day I felt like talking to him
Telling him things, not even things that had to be important
I just wanted to talk to him
But I have to ignore that feeling
At some moment It will go away
At some point I'm going to have to be going get over him
Gone from the eye, gone from the heart
Besides,
Life will go on
Life always goes on
I'm at the brink of a new part of my life, and I'm facing it with a smile
I'm open for new things
I've learned, I want to use it
I can see the sun already through the breaking clouds
I'm going to be allright
I'm going to be okay
Upsy Daisy, And there I go
<3
I barely heard what he was saying..
I was to busy ignoring my shaking knees, the burning tears,
The urge to kiss him real hard to show him what he'll miss..
I wanted to shout at him
"No I dont understand! I don't want to understand! How can you be so selfish!"
But I didn't..
Why?
I just couldn't
I needed all my strenght not to break down in front of..
Why I didn't want to break down in front of him?
I don't know.. It was over anyway..
Maybe I didn't want to show him that I was weak without him?
That I am weak without him..
I gave him a hug and a kiss, and walked away..
The only thing I heard was "Really, I'm sorry.."
And from the moment I turned my back at him every single word he said the past 5 minutes kept repeating in my head..
I didn't understand.. I didn't..
Some tears escaped, and I heard some boys yell "Crybaby! What's up?!"
I ignored them and kept walking..
Chin up, strong strides..
Though tears were running over my cheecks, I had to keep walking..
People looking at me questioningly, had to keep walking..
I reached the tram-platform,
And there it grasped me..
He was gone, out of my life, probably forever..
Never I would get to hold him, get to kiss him, get to laugh with him, get to hit him when he made a stupid joke, get to be worried about him, crave him when he had that look on his face, butterflies when he smiled at me, soothing words when I was scared, Sweet words when I felt alone
Never I would get those things from him again
I started hyperventilating
I didn't want this, I didn't want this at all
I didn't want this to happen, I tried so desperatly to avoid this, and still it happened, all my work didn't do anything..
I thought about running to the platfrom he'd probably be standing at now.
But I couldn't move, I was nailed to the spot I was standing on, heavily breathing,
biting my lip, I won't allow the tears to come yet
Finally the tram came,
more people looking,
and I could have sworen I heard someone say "The girl looks sad, I feel sorry"
I was scare I bit my lip to hard and it would start bleeding,
But before I got to that point I could finally get of the tram..
I stept in the rain, but I didn't care..
I didn't care about the water soaking my skin..
I barely felt it..
It felt soothing to the pain that had striken me..
This pain tearing me apart..
This pain that was surely going to take my life in just a few hours..
I got on my bike, after dropping my keys 15 times..
I couldn't keep the tears, sobbing I cycled home
I forced myself to close the barn and the fence and stepped inside my warm home..
It was warm yes, but I didn't feel it, all I could think of was this gaping hole inside of me..
There were once was my heart,
was now a empty spot,
that what once was a heart beat,
was now a scream for comfort, for my heart, for my soul
a scream of pain
I couldn't turn to face my mum who was sitting inside on the couch..
I locked the door and stood there for a few seconds..
"What's wrong?" she asked..
And that's when I broke..
That's when I hystericly starting crying..
It felt like I died right on that spot..
I fell to the floor, crying
Couldn't sit, couldn't lay down..
Didn't want any clothes on, kept pulling on it
I felt like I was chocking
I couldn't drink
I couldn't talk
All I could do was cry
Hystericly
How long?
I don't really know..
When I was able to talk it we were a hour and a half further..
My brother cried, hurt because of my unejurable pain
My mum cried, her mother-heart bleeding that her daughter was so broken
My father cried, feeling so sorry for me, but not knowing what to do himself
I explained, told the story, let out my emotions
I took of my necklace.. HIS necklace..
It felt so heavy around my neck, I couldn't wear it anymore..
Every 5 seconds another hysterical sob..
23:00 was when I finally calmed down..
I came home at 21:20..
I slept like a baby that night..
But thinking over and over about thát moment..
Hearing everything he said, repeating in my head
"Can you understand? Please, understand.. I'm sorry, really"
Older moments, moments of us together,
First time we kissed, just laying on his bed, watching a movie, holding his hand, he's telling me something, walking through the mall, he lifted me up, he hugged me so tight, first time he said he loved me, first time we met
I stayed home the next day..
I was emotionless, I was a walking corps, I didn't eat, I didn't drink
I looked like shit, no light in my eyes,
My mouth was everything but what you could nearly call a smile,
Pale white skin
All I did was sit on the couch and watch tv..
I went to shower at 12:00
And I knew that was going to be the moment for my next breakdown..
And so yes it did..
30 minutes long, another hysterical sobbing session..
I would never see him again, I would never hang out at his place again,
I would never feel his arms around me again, he would never look pissed at me again when I said something wrong, I would never get to talk to him when something bothered me, I would never tell him again when something made me happy, I would never talk to him again about things I saw, I would never talk to him again but his plans, I would never talk to him again..
Though I did notice.. It was not the break-up itself that was bothing me.. It was more that all the things I was going to miss bothered me..
I accepted the fact that it would never be like it was again..
I accepted the fact that is was over..
We're over..
Still I couldn't bare be alone..
So I went to my grandparents, talked about everything..
And it cleared alot out for me too..
It still feels weird, but I've accepted it.
It's weird, that all the things we've planned won't be with him anymore..
It's weired that I'll never get to see him like that again..
I loved him at the moment we broke up,
and that makes it hard..
You can't just stop loving somebody..
I'm surprised about the fact that I accepted this all so fast,
But the hardes part is yet to come,
I have to get over him..
I'll never forget him, I know that
In my whole life, I know that I'll always remember these 5 months..
Those 5 months were special,
He was special, I'll never find someone like him again..
I'm not saying I won't ever find a new lover, cause I will..
I know that..
Happy Single is a term I've never known, and will never know
But nobody will be like him..
It'll be hard finding somebody fit for the job,
But I'm going to try..
I'm going to try my hardest to get over him
I have to..
I didn't throw away his necklace, I won't throw it away..
I'm happy that he said I could keep it.. Really happy..
Cause it symbolises a very happy time for me..
A very very happy time..
I've never been that happy as in the time I was with him
He gave me energy and strenght, and when I hold that necklace I can still feel that strenght..
It sounds weird but it does..
I'm going to keep the necklace..
I said I couldn't cry about it anymore because I had already cried out all my tears
I said I couldn't talk about anymore because I already talked about everything that there was to be said
But that's not true, I think there's still a load to come..
Still a load of pain to come..
The whole day I felt like talking to him
Telling him things, not even things that had to be important
I just wanted to talk to him
But I have to ignore that feeling
At some moment It will go away
At some point I'm going to have to be going get over him
Gone from the eye, gone from the heart
Besides,
Life will go on
Life always goes on
I'm at the brink of a new part of my life, and I'm facing it with a smile
I'm open for new things
I've learned, I want to use it
I can see the sun already through the breaking clouds
I'm going to be allright
I'm going to be okay
Upsy Daisy, And there I go
<3
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